Taking time out

EXHAUSTED.  That's the word I would use to explain our family at the moment.  I feel like a tornado has picked up our family and has twirled us around for months and FINALLY put us back down.  What is the name of this tornado?  Football.  This was the first year for tackle football for us and it had us in a tizzy!  It is finally over.  Do not get me wrong, I LOVE watching my boys play football, absolutely love it.  It was a blast to watch G-Man out there and see his face light up when he became the champions b/c they were undefeated.  It was such a joy to watch Randy get out there and tackle and see the love for the game grow inside him.  It's just been exhausting.  

The other day, I signed the boys up for basketball.  I learned that G-Man and Randy wouldn't be on the same team due to their age differences.  They also have different "seasons."  This means G-Man would play for a while and then after he was finished, Randy would pick up.  When that was over, baseball would start.  I had a mental breakdown.  

Randall got home and I discussed my thoughts with him.  I told him how that night was the first night in a LONG time that we had at home.  We cleaned, played, curled up and watched tv, laughed, and even had a home cook meal.  It was GLORIOUS!  The kids were enjoying each other and just loving the time at home.  We decided to skip basketball season.  I thought for sure Randy would not be happy. I was in tears thinking about telling him.  But, guess what?!  He was all for it.  Even at his young age, he realized how much we needed that time at home, together.  He said he wanted more nights like the one we just had. 

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE watching my boys play sports. However,  I saw the need that our family had.  We needed time TOGETHER.  Not on a field, or on a court.  We needed togetherness.  Our family was craving it and we didn't even realize it.  Everyone was on edge.  Everyone.  I told Randall I felt like I was being selfish.  He told me, "What part of wanting to be together is being selfish?"  

A couple of days later, I pick up the boys from school and I hear Randy say, "YAY!  Tonight is fun night!"  I asked him what that meant.  His response was, "You know, a night like we had the other night, playing and enjoying time at home!"  

Yes, I think it is safe to say we made the right choice.  Will I miss basketball season?  You betcha.  I love the sound of the ball dribbling up and down that court.  However, I love the sound of my children laughing and enjoying time together much more.  

I don't know what it was that got our family in this rut, but I am thankful we saw the need to climb out.  Some families can do it and still find time together, but I felt like our family was falling apart.  We were all frustrated with each other and just not focusing on our family and the Lord.  I am excited for some quality time together, which is MUCH NEEDED!  

Finding joy in the little things

Having our little G-Man has opened our eyes to find joy in the little things.  I feel like even though this isn't our first round of having a child his age, it's fun to watch him experience new things!

We got him right around the time of sign ups for baseball.  The best part, he was able to be on the same team as Randy for this year!  He had a bit of baseball knowledge, so it was fun to practice with him in the yard before season began.  He was an absolute HOOT to watch play!  He played catcher quite a few times.  He's on the smaller side, so it was hilarious to see him in the gear.  It swallowed him, but he was a good sport!  My favorite part of the whole season was when he hit the ball, made it home, or did something awesome, when it was time for him to come into the dugout, he would run to me and say, "Mrs. Sadie, did you see me do that?!"  He was always beyond excited and proud!  We were too!  Nothing is as fun as watching a kiddo learn and gain confidence in their skills!

He is also learning how to swim.  When he came to us, he wasn't confident in the water.  He is now!  He has loved to swim at the pool, no matter if it was at my parent's, the aquatic park, church camp, or a friend's house!  You  never know what a foster child has experienced so when it comes to scary situations, you have to be extra careful and patient.  We are taking swimming slowly, but he is catching on super fast and impressing us!  I think by the middle of July, he will be a swimmer!  After the pool, he loves to come home and tell Randall all about learning to swim and how he went off the diving board with his swim vest!

Even though I am excited to sit and watch him experience things, I can't help but feel guilty.  I am not the mom who gave birth to him.  I'm not the one who carried him for 9 months.  This is something she should get to experience and see.  I pray for her every day.  I can't imagine not having my child.  No matter the circumstances, his mom will always be in my prayers.  Jesus can change any situation and He can change anyone.  Please be praying for his family.

Randy's Kindergarten Graduation {super late post}

This post is so late, it's not even funny, but it is one that needs to be documented!  Randy graduated kindergarten back in May.  This little guy makes me oh so proud!  I love to look back on what Ruthie was like at his age.  When I was looking through the pictures, it sure made me laugh.  Both of them were so nervous, but smiling through the whole thing.  Anytime a teacher acknowledged them, they ducked their head out of shyness.  Randall smiles when he's really nervous and I am thankful it's a little trait that he passed down to the kiddos b/c I happen to think it is adorable!  

Before we went to the ceremony, we stopped at the church to grab a few shots of my handsome boy!

See the cute little nervous smiles???

To top off the graduation ceremony- he won the leadership award!  That's my boy!  

Being a mother to this sweet boy is such a treasure!  

Swingin' Bridge

If you live in Arkansas and you have a chance to slip away to the little town of Oark, do it!  We don't live too far from it, but we rarely make a trip.  Every time we do, we realize we need to do it more often!  There's just something about the simplicity of spending the day at the creek.  Reminds me of so many memories out in Bobby's field hiking to Flat Rock and just playing all day.
On this day, we got up early and headed to eat at the Oark General Store.  We had a fabulous breakfast and the people who were there were so friendly and kind!  After our breakfast, we drove to the Swingin' Bridge, which is just a few short miles down the road.  I made sure to pack the kids bathing suits, towels, snacks, and drinks b/c I figured we would be there for a while.  The kids had a blast playing in the water, wading in the creek, throwing rocks, and jumping off the rock.  It was such a perfect day that even Randall and I ended up in the water.  I didn't bring any clothes, but I dried off before we left.

As you can see from the pictures, we had an amazing day.  Nothing is better than driving through gorgeous scenery, having a fabulous breakfast, and spending the day doing the simplest of things, but enjoying every single moment of the time spent together!  This day reminds me of one of my most favorite quotes-

One More Soul!

Randy became a child of the One True King on June 6, 2015!  What an amazing night it was.  We were at church camp at Baptist Vista.  Brother Zach hadn't even made it up to start preaching, but the song Just As I Am was playing.  Kids were coming to the altar.  Randall and I went up there and began praying for the youth that had heavy hearts.  As I come back to the pew,  I see that Randy is crying.  We asked him what was going on and he replied that he wanted Jesus and he didn't want to go to hell.  Randall and I looked at each other in shock!  He was so young.  We sort of questioned it, but decided he was ready.  He knew the steps, he understood sin and why we needed to be saved.  We followed him up to the altar, and Randall lead him in a sinner's prayer of salvation.  WHEW!  What a glorious, glorious day!  God is oh so good!  It felt so good to know that our little family of four will ALL being going to Heaven one day.
Before the services at church camp, Randall takes a rock and prays over it.  The rocks are given to the child that accepts Jesus as their Savior at camp to signify that Jesus will forever be their rock.  I think it is a fantastic tradition.  Little did Randall know that the rock he prayed over would be going to his baby boy that night!
Here he is that night!

Shortly after church camp, Randy made the decision to be baptized and show his profession of faith and take the first step.  Bro. Troy allowed Randall the opportunity to baptize him.  I am so grateful that both of my kids had the opportunity to be baptized by their own father.  What a special memory that will be for each of them.  

As a mother, knowing that your children are going to heaven, well, NOTHING can top that.  I have prayed and prayed for each of my kids to come to make that decision on their own.  Some may think Randy was too young.  Some may even think Ruthie was.  BUT, I know.  I saw the look in their eyes, and I could tell it was true and heart felt.  Nothing is sweeter than that.  I praise God every day that  I will see them in Heaven when that time comes.  You can't take anything but family with you to Heaven and I am grateful I get to do just that.  

Mother's Day 2014

Let's just say this weekend was PERFECT!  Randall and I enjoyed a perfect float trip on the Mulberry with friends.  It's times like that, that I wish I had underwater housing for my camera.  I would love to capture the beauty of the Mulberry!

The two precious babies who call me Mom:

After church: Mom, me, Ruthie, & Randy

Mom carried us for so many years, we decided to carry her!

On the way home from my mom & dad's, Randall let Ruthie drive!

Needless to say, it was a perfect weekend.  I needed the time outdoors and the time spent in God's Creation! Hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day!

A.l.m.o.s.t. t.h.e.r.e!

First off, thank you all for being so kind to me with my last post.  I wasn't doing it to get a "you are doing a great job."  I put it out there to explain how I have to depend on God to lead me.  I can't do this on my own.  I have to let Him take control.  I don't know how many others out there feel this way, and I hope if they read this, they learned they aren't alone.

Summer is almost here.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as we finally reach MAY!  I can already feel the warm hot sun on my face, hear the kids splashing in the pool, and I can feel the long cozy naps that happen after a long day at the pool!  I am READY!  However, for now we have 17 days left.  I think I can, I think I can!

Ruthie is in Florida right now with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and my niece!  She is having a blast.  Some think I am crazy b/c I sent her during the school year.  However, I know the learning experience will be great, and she will see so many new things!  The last time she went to the beach, she was just about 16 months old!  She was way to little to remember anything!  She has had quite the experience so far.  I hope to let her type up a blog post when she gets back and I want to let her share her photos!  I thought that would be fun for her!  Let's just say this mamma is struggling with missing her.  The first few days were ok, but yesterday, every post her aunt posted on Instagram, had me in tears.  I am ready for the big hug and kiss and the many stories she will share!

Randy and I are quite lonely now that she's gone.  We have been keeping busy outside.  It's been a gorgeous week, only to be changed by the weather at the end of this week.  He is still playing t-ball and he has improved so much.  Not only in the hitting, but also in the fielding category.  So proud of the little ball-player he has become!

Randall was recently put back on what I like to call the crazy shift.  3 on, 3 off, and every fifth shift will be nights.  UGH.  We truly enjoyed the Mon-Thurs, 7-5 shift.  We loved having him off with us every weekend and every church service.  Please be in prayer for him b/c he hates it when he has to miss being fed spiritually at church.

Now, a post isn't a post without some photos right?   I don't want to let you down in that area!

We had practice earlier this week, and I love watching him learn and grow!  He is doing so good!  Surprised I was able to snag this shot!  All taken with my Samsung S3, edited in Instagram. 

Peek-a-boo boy after a dirty night at practice!

New swing set = long evenings outdoors!

This is how the cool guys rock bedtime: gickeys, glasses, and Mamma's bed!

A hard lesson to swallow

I honestly don't even know how to begin this post.  The best way is to just be downright honest.  Here I go.  

I am not the mother I want to be.  I fail daily. I fail most when it comes to Ruthie.  I have heard people say you tend to be harder on your daughters if you are a mother, and harder on your sons if you are a father.  I guess I fall into that category.  Last night, I realized what a crappy mother I have been.  Yes, I have taught her right from wrong and how to love the Lord.  However, I wonder if she knows how special she is to me.  I learned last night, she doesn't.  After church we grabbed some dinner.  Randall took Randy to slop the hogs, while Ruthie and I headed home.  I want her to get a good night of rest on school nights.  As I tuck her in, she says, "Mommy, will you snuggle with me?"  I just told her I needed to get some stuff finished and that I couldn't.  My house is a complete and utter mess.  I have a million loads of laundry to fold and put away.  I have about 7 loads of dirty blankets to wash.  I need to do the dishes.  I need to sweet, mop, and vacuum.  I need to clean the toilet.  I need to figure out what to pack for her b/c she is about to head to Florida this next week.  I have photos to edit from my nephew's wedding.  I have homework that needs to be finished.  

As I walk off, I just hang my head and think to myself, what kind of mother am I.  She is seven.  She is an adult in eleven years.  Almost as long as I have had her.  Why can't I take time out and just snuggle my baby girl? 

 I stop what I am doing, head back to her room and crawl into bed with her.  The smile on her face tells me I did the right thing.  However, there is more she needs.  She doesn't just need my company, but she needs to hear words of affection.  See, Ruthie is like me.  She needs affection.  She needs reminders she is important. Have I helped her in this area?  Not near as much as I should have.  As we snuggle together, I just feel the need to tell her just how much she means to me.  

I told her how I have loved her the moment I knew she was in my womb.  I told her of how she made me a mother.  She is my first born.  

I told her how she looks just like her Daddy with the perfect Qualls nose and beautiful lips.  I told her my favorite physical feature she has is her dark brown eyes, b/c they are just like mine. 

I told her of how she was such a fun little baby with so much personality. She loved to stand on her head with her hiney in the air and leap like a frog.  

How she loved to wear her boots just like her Daddy and play in the dirt.

I told her of how she was shy around everyone.  She loved to be around Mommy and Daddy.  She never wanted to talk to strangers.  I told her how she would usually cry when it was time to be dropped off at daycare, but when time came for Kindergarten, she was just fine and kept asking me if I was going to cry.  I told her I cried all the way to work that day. 

I told her how she is so much like her Daddy when she gets nervous b/c she is all smiles.  Her Daddy is the same way.  She giggled when I told her to think about how much he smiles when he's preaching.  It's b/c he is nervous.

I told her how every moment with her has been amazing, but the best moment of all was when she asked Jesus into her heart.  I told her how I had been praying she would soon be ready and the moment she looked at me with tears in her eyes I knew she was ready.  I told her how one day I will be waiting on her in Heaven so we can walk the streets of gold together.  

As I tell her all this, she is sobbing in my arms.  I asked her why she was crying and she told me it was b/c I made her feel so special.  That's when I broke down.  She doesn't feel special.  I have failed.  She is more special to me than she will ever know.  I guess I just haven't told her enough.  I haven't hugged her enough.  I haven't kissed her enough.  She is my daughter.  The one God has trusted me to raise.  I need to wake up and put my priorities straight.  I need to let me daughter know she is everything to me.  I would do anything for her.  I love her to the ends of the earth.  I need to put the phone down, put the camera down, get off the computer, quit reading, and just enjoy my babies.  I need to put myself aside and let them have their mommy.  

When Randall came home, I broke down on him as well.  I told him I failed.  He looked at me, told me I haven't failed b/c we still have her.  I am thankful to have a man like him.  I just need to step it up and be the parent God has intended me to be.  All these worldly things don't matter.  What matters?  My children matter.  I am a mother.  A mother who isn't perfect, but is learning day by day.  A mother who has a wonderful God to help teach her how to be a parent.